I will be the first to admit that I’m an overprotective mother bear. I can’t stand to see my child struggle, become frustrated or be disappointed. I don’t want her to fall off her bike. I don’t want anyone to hurt her feelings. I’m quick to swoop in and block, shield, help, fix.

That’s part of my job as a mother, right?

Yes. And no.

I came across this article on Huffington Post called “From Generation X to Generation Me.” I think you should read it yourself, but in summary, author Rhiana Maidenberg says we Gen X parents are often too quick to protect our children from the normal struggles and hurts of life. Because of this, they may grow up to be adults with no coping skills for handling the real world.

The article resonated with me, the overprotective mother bear. I think it applies to many of my own parenting scenarios, but the greatest application right now has to do with our daughter’s school.

This year, our daughter started kindergarten at a local public Montessori school. For those of you unfamiliar with Montessori, it’s a style of education which demands independence and responsibility from the student, even at a young age. Rather than doing tasks as a class, they complete work on their own, in whatever order suits them best. The teacher doesn’t do much group instruction – instead he or she moves around the classroom as the children work independently, assisting and teaching one-on-one wherever he/she is needed. The classes are a mix of grades. In my daughter’s class, she is one of a handful of kindergarteners, and the rest of the children are in first grade.

Things did not start well.

My daughter is used to having a mother bear nearby. A mother bear who will tell her exactly what to do and how to do it and jump in to help if things become difficult. And this mother bear only wants her child to taste success, so she doesn’t present anything too challenging which might lead to frustration. The mother bear piles on the praise.

Now, here my daughter is in a classroom where she is expected to do her work independently. A quick learner, her teachers soon begin assigning her first grade work which is quite challenging.

And unsurprisingly, in our first parent-teacher conference, she gets poor marks for managing frustrations and disappointment.

I’ll be honest – I had second thoughts about whether or not Montessori was right for my daughter. The school is great, but I do believe she would be happier right now in a traditional kindergarten classroom where the teacher gives a lesson and then all the kids work simultaneously on a well-defined task. I think she’d be happier doing kindergarten work instead of first grade work because success would come more easily. This mother bear wants school to be easy.

And I’m sure there are cases when a school environment can be too challenging and lead to frustration, poor self-esteem and burn out, but I don’t think we’re there. Instead, I think my overprotected daughter is experiencing her first real challenge. Wouldn’t we all rather do work that is easy? But the real world doesn’t always offer us simple tasks or answer sheets, so she needs to learn how to cope with challenges.

And I need to learn to back off. To be there for her, but not to fix the game for her. To allow her a healthy dose of struggle.

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